Cleaning

Sunday, July 29, 2012
My bed.


I think I'm being tested by the universe.

Fighting with T & M is getting ridiculous. They've clearly spent sometime picking me apart. Coming up with all these reasons they don't like me. Because I'm rude, I'm defensive, PDA with Mas, I'm a different person when I'm around they're whole group of people I don't know than who I am when I'm one on one, and then when I'm with mas I'm different too. Haha. Just repeating them back makes me realize how retarded this is. Clearly, M decided a long time ago she didn't like me. I always just got such bad vibes, even though she was never less than SWEET. sugary sweet even.

So. These 2 girls who struggle with the romantic lives, their personal selves, with fashion, who don't have college degrees.. have decided they don't want me in their lives because I got defensive when they accused me of being unfaithful to Mas. And I'm sure M thinks he life is great. She's back with her bf. Her salon is sending her to Australia. Blah blah. But if she was really so secure, she wouldn't have instigated all of this. And meanwhile, T is just along for the ride.

Well. I am who i am. 

And I'm in a transitional period. I'm no longer friends with A. The drama, negativity, and just loathing of others was sucha drain. So now I need to figure out who I am without the influence of my Best Friend for the last 4 years.

I'm also without AP and JD and all of those Boys who I spent a few months raging and bonding with. I have so much fun and the drama was exciting. But I'm 22 years old and pursuing a real life. Not one sparked by substance abuse.

So Here's what I'm discovering. 


I'm genuinely kind. I really like people and I like being friends with people and taking care of them.
I'm making new friends, but I also have to accept that I need to prove to others that I'm not that bitch I was. And the only way to do that is with consistency.

I like taking care of myself. Eating clean. cooking. Running. Just overall good healthy habits.

I'm outgoing as fuck.


I'm happy. 


I'm funny and weird and I love it. 


I like adventures.


I like nature. Alot. 


I love buddhism. 


I'm open minded and accepting. 


Gossiping isn't fun.


Complaining isn't satisfying. 


I like art and fashion and color. 


I know what I like. without having to discuss it with 5 people to get their opinions on the matter. 


I am beautiful. 


Now today, Totally Normal Chaos MF is coming over to help me physically sort through my life. 
I couldn't be more excited. We originally agreed on 9am, and its 9:40, but cest la vie. It gave me time to myself that wasnt all about sleeping.